that I didn’t feel so infinitely tired all the time.
that I could gather some sense of responsibility with my hard earned money.
that I could also help my mom with the same thing so she doesn’t lose her hosue.
that the feeling that I get when I’m with him never changes or fades away.
that he never loses the feeling he gets when he’s with me.
that my sister would get clean and stay clean.
that my job would recognize my talent and ability and reward me for it.
that I had never wasted so much of my life, time and money on drugs.
that my mom had never found out about my father’s sexual abuse.
that I had graduated.
that I had gotten all the illegal acts out of my system before I turned 18.
that I knew why I am so detatched.
that I had not been such a selfish person towards my high school friends.
that I didn’t spend so much time thinking about all the things I’ve fucked up…